Can you relate? I was just thinking back to when my marriage and then my next (toxic) relationship had to end. So painful. Like wow. withdrawals. Not my marriage so much. I didn’t miss-him. I was broken and unsure and so so sad about losing the family unit I had spent 17 years clinging to, …
What is a trauma bond? A trauma bond is when one person feels a strong connection with another because of abusive or traumatic things that have happened in their past. Generally both or at least one person has been abused, neglected, betrayed or in an abusive relationship before, so this kind of relating is all …
When things feel calm, do you start to scramble? I used to, and still do sometimes, but now I recognize it. When you are so used to chaos or catastrophe or just trying to make it through day to day things, having something go right feels downright scary. It feels unnatural. And it’s such a …
We resist what we don’t understand. But you know what’s cool? When you start to awaken. When you start to wake up. Obviously I didn’t know it at the time, in fact I thought I was very much awake, and trying to break cycles, but I was mostly living in a codependent haze until I …
I struggled for a long, long time- being defined as difficult. I was told I was difficult or “too sensitive” for so many years that I would sacrifice any need, no matter how fundamentally necessary, to avoid it. I really didn’t want to be those things. Until one day, I realized- I’m not “too sensitive.” …
What does a healthy relationship look like? Well for me, it’s knowing that tonight I have to go to a conference, and my partner is going to take my kids out to dinner and spend time with them, and get them out the door for school on time tomorrow morning. A healthy relationship is jumping …
I spent today delivering compost from my farm, to another new farm nearby. A few loads of such rich compost made from the chickens, pigs, and cows I used to raise. I farmed because I wanted to be able to make a living having my children see me doing something meaningful. I wanted them to …
When I first discovered the concept of attachment theory, I was amazed. I had never thought of it in such a way before. Attachment, in my mind, wasn’t a theory, it was just one thing- one feeling, not a series of reactions based on our history and childhood experiences. It makes so much sense! Of …
What are ACES? ACES are Adverse Childhood Experiences. Studies are showing that the higher the number of specific types of adverse childhood experiences you have had, the greater the risk of having a challenging adult life- either with Substance Misuse, abusive and/or toxic relationships, difficulty succeeding professionally, or suffering from mental health disorders such as …
When I was twenty, I knew I wanted to have a healthy relationship. I wanted to do everything “right” I thought if I could be honest and open and kind and giving, if I was a good listener, if I did everything in my power to please my partner, then there would be no way …