When I was twenty, I knew I wanted to have a healthy relationship.
I wanted to do everything “right”
I thought if I could be honest and open and kind and giving, if I was a good listener, if I did everything in my power to please my partner, then there would be no way for the relationship to fail.
I didn’t notice my thinking and behavior was codependent, people pleasing, self-sacrificing.
I had no boundaries.
I didn’t notice I was carrying a narrative I created about myself from very early in childhood into my adult relationships and life: I wasn’t worthy of taking up space, being smart, having a voice.
I didn’t notice that I was constantly disempowering myself by acquiescing to the pressures and opinions of those I cared about- believing they were smarter, saner and just generally “more right” than me.
I didn’t notice I lowered the bar of what I thought I was capable of under the guise of humility- really it was a cloak of unworthiness, and it kept me confused for a very long time.
I spent 17 years in a pattern of over apologizing, over thinking, under demanding and questioning myself.
Until I was miserable enough, and scared enough, and hated myself enough, I knew I needed to do something different.
I thought therapy was for the weak minded. But I was desperate enough to to try it. That’s when life changed, forever.
That was seven years ago.
Seven years of growth
Seven years of pain, but good pain, progress.
Seven years of research around codependency childhood trauma, attachment theory, addiction, emotional intelligence, patterns of behavior, and more.
Seven years ago feels like a different lifetime, because it was.
The path I meant to take when I was twenty, I began at 37.
I’ve studied hard, written books and changed careers.
I was a farmer, nurturing land and people. Today, I am a Certified Recovery Coach and an Executive Director of a Recovery Center in Rural Vermont, where we help people recover from substance use. Looking at childhood and relationship trauma, attachment theory and how to deeply process grief are the key components to the work we do. Those are the key components to all healing and growth, and what is covered in my book, “F*ck That: A Step-By-Step Guide To Claim Your Worth and Heal Your Broken Heart”
Today, I’m in a relationship I can say, with the surest heart and educated mind, is healthy.
I’ve changed all the people, places and things that kept me small and am now able to confidently step into all that I am and all that I am aiming for, with humble power.
The people in my life are on the same level, and that’s all I’m allowing.
I used to lower my bar, now I only raise it.
My children are becoming strong, clear, emotionally aware, loving themselves people too, right alongside me.
I am healing, and I’m now spending my life helping others heal too.
This happiness I’m experiencing right now in my life, is hard earned, and I continue to earn it every day.
Healing, growth and happiness is a commitment we make to ourselves, and that not only helps us, but everyone around us.
The world needs more people willing to look at their pasts, understand their patterns, stop unhealthy and toxic traits, and heal.
Healing makes the world better.
As a person who constantly put myself in the position to be overlooked, dismissed, disrespected, I can safely say this experience of healthy partnership is treasure every day.
If you are looking for answers and don’t know where to start, try my book, or send me a message, or book that therapy appointment you’ve been putting off.
Many people tell me the first thing they feel after reading my book is relief. Because there are answers. And even though emotions and relationships and life is terribly complex, healing can begin very simply.
To begin, we all need simple answers. And there is no person too broken, too hopeless, too messed up. It’s just one simple step that starts the change.
Everything you know you want but feels so far away, is possible.
I’m a living example!
Coaching with me will help you:
Stop repeating harmful patterns
Understand your attachment style and why that’s important
Understand how your trauma (we all have it) affects you and how to heal
A look at your ACES and why that’s important
Empower you to have the life you really want but can’t figure out how to get to.
#lovewins#relationships#couragetochange#manifest#hope#healing#success#wecandohardthings
Link to book: https://motherroadvt.com/product/album/
Link to coaching: https://motherroadvt.com/…/10-week-coaching-healing…/
Or just send me a message, just take one step!