Can you relate?
I was just thinking back to when my marriage and then my next (toxic) relationship had to end.
So painful. Like wow. withdrawals.
Not my marriage so much. I didn’t miss-him. I was broken and unsure and so so sad about losing the family unit I had spent 17 years clinging to, but it wasn’t the person I missed. I was scared and turned around, but it wasn’t a withdrawal so much as just a chronic boulder on top of me, that I had to get out from under.
But the next one. Shiiiit. I felt like half my body was missing. It hurt. As much as I knew this was the right move, even though I hadn’t chosen it, he did, it was super pain. I missed the dopamine hit of the attention and love in a very visceral way. Emotional and everything else too, but the physical hit I was not prepared for.
I knew I had to get to the bottom of it and NOT GO BACK to that same dynamic. Ever ever. Ever. I had to get time away, I had to let my body regulate, I didn’t know how but I had to do it.
I was so addicted to the highs and lows. The chaos of insecure love.
Intellectually I knew this was really unhealthy but there I was, I didn’t know how to change it. But I was going to figure it out.
And I did. I freaking did it.
It is so freaking hard to stop that pattern.
And that’s why I titled my book ‘F*ck That’ because- for me- everything I had been doing had to come to a full stop screeching HALT.
I had to turn away from all the ways I knew to get love, validation, reassurance, and just say fuck that and dig deep and find it all for myself.
That’s a war zone people and if you’ve been in it or you’re heading there or you know you’re heading there or you’re in that pain right now, I freaking understand.
Don’t give up. Listen to yourself. Your deepest voice way down there that- knowsssss.
It knows. Get the support. Get the tools. Do the work. Make some mistakes. Choose yourself.
It hurts. And it’s so freaking worth it.
If you need help ripping off the bandaid, and keeping it off, read my book or Coach with me. Or reach out to anyone that can help you. It’s so hard and the most worth it thing you can do.
Because, this is me today. Real. Figuring it out. Secure. Hopeful. Clear on my worth. One step, one pattern, one breath, one feeling, one mistake, one success, at a time.
It’s wild. It’s worth it. Go 
#heal#lovewithdrawal#withdrawal#dothework#growth#trueheart#wecandohardthings#coaching#chooseyou#trauma#abuse#authenticity#happiness