What are ACES?
ACES are Adverse Childhood Experiences. Studies are showing that the higher the number of specific types of adverse childhood experiences you have had, the greater the risk of having a challenging adult life- either with Substance Misuse, abusive and/or toxic relationships, difficulty succeeding professionally, or suffering from mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety, bi-polar, and more.
Like anything, the ACES are not entirely conclusive, but they do give you a base from which to work.
Sometimes we overlook significant traumatic events from our pasts because:
- The adults in our lives gaslighted us and convinced us things that hurt us were no big deal
- We gaslighted ourselves and convinced ourselves these traumas were no big deal
- We compared our traumas to others and convinced ourselves that ours “aren’t as bad as theirs”
All of those contribute to the culture we live in of normalizing the downplaying of our emotions and suppressing what is REAL to US. As children we spend a lot of time giving our control over to our caregivers, or isolating ourselves out of protection, and once we become adults it is very difficult to not transfer those patterns onto our romantic partners.
Learning about your ACES score is a good first step to taking charge of your adult life.
I am someone who has a fairly high ACES score, a score of 7. I am a living example of a person who has experienced trauma but with support have healed and am successful and happy and, as much as anyone raising three children, I live in peace.
Check out the quiz here, and find your own score!
No matter what you have experienced, there are ways forward. Never make light of your pain and your experiences. What you feel is always valid, and never makes you weak.
For more information on coaching with me, visit the coaching page on this site: www.motherroadvt.com/coaching/