When things feel calm, do you start to scramble?
I used to, and still do sometimes, but now I recognize it.
When you are so used to chaos or catastrophe or just trying to make it through day to day things, having something go right feels downright scary.
And it’s such a confusing complexity of the mind.
It’s like changing any other pattern. Doing something new, something that was never safe before, just feels wrong and our minds do whatever possible to get back to “balance”
….
Even when that is utter imbalance.
It took me a while to realize that’s what I was doing, scrambling around, looking for the disaster, when things were actually okay.
When you are so used to not okay, it’s really hard to trust something so simple as something good.
Some days it’s worse than others, and little things can trigger the search for the calamity, but o er time, with practice, with breathing, exercise, meditation, yoga, a hug, a snuggle dog or whatever small little solid peaceful thing you grasp, it gets easier.
Eventually, there’s more peace than panic.
I try to notice those moments, when I’m really okay, when my mind is at ease, and lean into it.
It’s really hard when you’ve spent a long time in a toxic relationship, or an abusive workplace, or a troubled childhood, or a poverty survival situation, or… all of them, to really lean into the okay.
But it works. And it’s so important. Because the little moments do add up, and they build strength and resilience in the right direction. And it’s scary and beautiful and awful and so, so, so tender.
So, if you have just left a relationship, if you’re in a toxic situation, if you are upside down in any aspect of your life, it gets better, one teeny time peace moment at a time.
If you feel like you’re always in trouble or doing something wrong, and you know deep down that you are not doing anything wrong, try to slow down and really look at what you’re doing that’s good. You’re good. I’m good. We will be good, and even better tomorrow, too.
Even if everything is the matter, nothing is the matter. Okay? Okay. We got this. 
#cptsd#peace#traumarecovery#breathwork#meditation#hope#heal#selfworth#trust#pettherapy#exercise#art#creativity#progress#wecandohardthings#success
